Finally Monday

I can’t write on the weekends right now, Mike is hanging on to me like a tic on a dog.  But it’s finally Monday evening, the girls are off my computer for a while and he’s gone to work and I can breathe easily…and write again.  Hooray!

Mike isn’t being overly generous at this time, but he’s not totally shutting me down intentionally, I THINK.  He wants to keep this house so the girls and I can come back to it "when I’ve decided I’ve had enough of this insanity", so of course he has to pay the bills, and the first of the month is always hard…so many of the bills come due then.  I’m certainly not helping him with any of those bills this month, but I can’t bring myself to take light bulbs away either…luckily, the apartment comes with them!  I don’t want to be a bitch, I don’t want to antagonize him any more than my moving away is already doing…not just because I don’t want to deal with him acting ugly, but because we share Laura, and I have to strive to make this easy for her as much as possible AND show her a good example.  Are there times I want to strip the house down, including taking all the outlets?  Sure.  But I don’t want this phase of my life to start out in animosity and small behavior on my part, I’ll get enough of that from Mike.

And of course, I expect child support from him, before the month is out.  I’ve got child support services working out how much that will be and when I’ll get it.  I didn’t even want to try negotiating that with him. 

Oh yeah….

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE YOU TOO!

Not because you’re helping me, but because of your words, your prayers, your thoughts for me and the girls, and your generosity of spirit and heart.

I don’t know if it’s just me…or if everyone feels this way to some extent…but I always know how much I love others, my friends, what I would be happy to do for them, what I want to do *just because*…but it never occurs to me that I’m loved that much *Back*.  You hope how deeply you feel is shared by the people you love, but you never quite think of or believe that it’s coming back to you.  I never dreamed in a million years I’d be asking people for help with this, and in a katrillion lifetimes I never thought of the outpouring of love the girls and I have received back.  Honestly, I didn’t begin to think we’d get the response that has come, I felt like such a jerk even asking for help.  You’ve all reminded me that just like how I’d respond to others who need help, it’s coming back to me too.  You just cannot know how much it means to my spirit, my heart and soul, to find this love coming to me, especially now when I’ve got so much turmoil going on here at home.

The apartment should be ready by the end of the week, I’m told, so hope, hope, hopefully the girls and I will be moving this weekend or the beginning of next week.  I will definitely visit the library as much as possible while I wait for the internet to get hooked back up.  One thing Mike HAS done is leave the girls’ cell phones on since they are in his name so that we’ll have a phone in the house until I get a new number.  So those of you I call or who call me, remind me and I’ll give you those numbers so we can keep in touch that way too.

I should be sad, disturbed, angry right now, but you have all saved me from that.  All I can do is feel grateful, loved and *right* in my decision to start over again.  Leaving is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I think, but you’ve all made it so much easier in so many ways.  Thank you for your generosity, your support, your encouragement to get the girls out of this and into a healthy, safe home again.

So many blessings.