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Finally got my music list right Tuesday May 12, 2009

Posted by gingerbreadman in Blessings.
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Yeah, it was just that friggin easy. 
Okay, maybe not that simple.  I had to get my books I needed and then read them.  And then there was the whole ‘baby madness ‘ thing goin’ on I had to rid myself of.  Did that now that our Lab Annie is all full of puppies and ready to drop in a week or so.  I’ll have plenty of ‘babies’ to take care of then, won’t I?

So, yeah. I’m back.  Fer sure this time.  It just feels right.  Like I’m ready.  I’ve exorcised most of the demons that’ve kept me away, and the rest I suppose anyone who has hung around to see if I’ll ever come out of my coma will just have to deal with them with me. 

But I’ve got my music list straight.  I can do anything with the right music playing in the background, ya’ know?  If I can just keep the dang kids from touching the "Shuffle OFF" clicker!  NO SHUFFLE!  That’ll throw me into a tailspin it’d take weeks to come out of.

Laura is graduating from Head Start this weekend.  I imagine I’ll be crying like a….well, like a mommy who has a kid graduating from her first school thingy. 

Emmy is failing Algebra I.  It’s a toss-up whether she’ll actually flunk it outright or qualify for summer school and be able to pull it up to a D and not have to retake it next year.  Not being one of those mothers, I swear!, her teacher is a big part of the problem.  Two-thirds of this class are failing or pulling D’s.  It’s not a ‘dumb’ class, it’s a teacher who doesn’t know how to present the material.  So….we’ll see.

Katie has three eighth grade boys in love with her.  It’d be funny, if it weren’t so darn weird.  They’re over here all the time.  Just…weird.   And Laura has decided she’s marrying one of them, when she’s 25, of course.

Jess and Landon are still engaged.  She’s working hard to get into grad school, and Landon’s working hard, period.

Becca’s just Becca.  Taking amazing photos, hanging out with us every chance she gets, still seeing Joe off and on.

One of my older girls had a pregnancy scare right around Christmas time.  That’s what threw me into my ‘baby madness’ spin.  After doing the "Oh no, this isn’t the right time….what will you do?!??!" song and dance, I sort of warmed up to the idea of having a baby *that wasn’t mine!* around a lot.   She did the pregnancy test a few days after Christmas, and darned if it wasn’t negative.  Darned if I wasn’t thanking God over and over for her sake, and bummed out for mine.

Can’t ever forget I’m clinically insane.

Then Annie went into heat.   We knew letting her get pregnant in her first heat wasn’t wise, and we tried as best we could to protect her.  But there are like….70 dogs in our neighborhood…and they were all over our yard night and day.  I think my left leg almost got pregnant once….I did have an open sore.   (Sorry I couldn’t resist.)
We’re taking bets it’s the Boxer down the street.  He was VERY persistent and VERY Alpha.  At first the idea made us all sick….pop-eyed puppies.  Then we looked up on the ‘net, and ‘Boxerdors’ are very cute.  The look a lot like Lab’s but they’re short haired!  Hallelujah!

So we get to tell Annie her pup’s won’t be ugly now, and we’ll have a better chance of giving them away.  Maybe the Sire’s owners will even want a couple.  I hope so. 

Anyway, that’s it for now, I’ve got to get ready for another Dr’s visit.  I’ve got to talk him into letting me try a new migraine med…or rather, have him talk my insurance into paying for it.  Wish me luck.  Love you all.  Talk to you soon!!

Really Gone now Friday June 20, 2008

Posted by gingerbreadman in Blessings.
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Today’s the day.  A lot of horrid things have continued to happen this past week….but today is the New Beginning.
I’m cancelling my estrogen7@scrtc.com email account.  Most of you have the hotmail account anyway, and since I’ll be gone for at least a month, I’m thinking, the emails won’t do much good anyway.

I’m going to miss getting online and visiting with everyone SO much.
Please remember I love ya all….I’ll be back when I can and I hope you’re all still around!!

And Count Your Blessings!

Hugs for everyone…

Oh my… Monday June 9, 2008

Posted by gingerbreadman in Blessings.
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I’m so blessed and happy right now.  Thank you all so much for everything. 

We’re moving this week finally.  Hallelujah.  Mike’s being a bit difficult, but I keep reminding myself it’s the last week, and he’s dealing with a lot too.  Sometimes that actually helps!  =)

Mostly the girls and I have tried to avoid him during the day.  We practice softball with Libby, play on the slip*n*slide with Laura, have lots of water gun fights and clean house, readying for the move.

Libby’s team is undefeated so far!  Woo Hoo! 

Emmy and Jeremy are coming up on their 1 year anniversary, and I’ve got to get rid of that boy soon. =/

Laura is growing like a weed and now eating me out of house and home.  Such a switch from before when she wouldn’t eat anything but pop*tarts and bread.

I’m thrilled.  The girls are happy and excited.  I’ve got amazing friends who are so generous and loving and sweet.  I’m moving to our independence, happiness and safety.

I’ve got limited time on the pc right now, I’ll be around to talk to all of you before the week is out and say "see you soon."

Oh yeah…GO OBAMA!!!!  Tuesday night was such a beautiful time.

Love you all, and blessings.  I am so happy right now, which is kinda funny…but that’s what friends are for, isn’t it?  I wish I could just make all of you as blessed as I am.

Awesome reminder Tuesday May 20, 2008

Posted by gingerbreadman in Blessings.
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I got a package today in the mail from Kat, a prize for guessing correctly on her Mother’s Day Puzzle.  A wonderful book, titled Good Things Great and Small, a whole lot of reasons to be thankful .  It is just perfect for me, for my mindset, for reminding me of the adventure awaiting me and my band of girlies.  It’s easy sometimes in the middle of something difficult, or sad, to remember to count your blessings, realize how great your life is or will be with a few adjustments.

My favorite passage so far is:  "I’m grateful for challenges, those hard things I never thought I’d make it through but somehow did."

So I’m counting my blessings.

Those wonderful kids of mine.
All the laughter, singing, dancing, card-playing and just being goofy the bunch of us have to look forward to every day.
The children’s health.
My parent’s good health, the health of my entire family.
That school will be out soon and I’ll get some help with La during the day!
My health.
Water slides.
My big dumb dog.
My wonderful, amazing, loving family of friends on Spaces.
Being open and strong and ready for what life has in store for me.

Yeah.  Love you guys, thank you so much.
Blessings!

Tests back =) Thursday May 1, 2008

Posted by gingerbreadman in Blessings.
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So I get into the car, ready to go to the hospital for these lovely tests.  Who doesn’t want a pelvic ultrasound and a mammogram first thing in the morning, right?   Now, I’m a music freak, everyone knows that.  Of course the radio goes on the second I start the engine and what is playing?

Highway to Hell by AC/DC!   Ain’t that a fine way to start my trip?  I’m not usually superstitious, but that kinda got to me.  Then…
Life is Beautiful by Sixx AM comes on.  Okay, that is much better.  Much more upbeat!  Sort of.  Next comes…
Let the Good Times Roll by The Cars.  Cool!  That’s a good harbinger, isn’t it?   Yeah, well…
Call Your Name by Rex Goudie comes along.  What a complete downer!!!  Now I’m seriously worried about these tests.

And yes, it’s a long ride to the hospital.  I was almost there when finally a good message came on again…
Never Too Late by Three Days Grace.  Now, you can argue that it has a lot of talk of suicide in it, but considering my history…heh…and the fact that it’s a life-affirming song, I was glad to sit and listen to the end of the song before turning off the engine and schlumping into the hospital.

I won’t tell you about the pelvic ultrasound except to say that they had a condom covering the probe.  That struck me as absolutely hilarious, and I laughed so hysterically that I irked the tech trying to find my uterus.
I was amazed that I’m one of those lucky, blessed women who don’t feel pain during the mammogram.  Sorry about the rest of you.

Then I waited and waited and threw up and stressed an entire day waiting for the results of the ultrasound.  *Drum Roll*
I’ve got some fibroids, and a weird little mass but it’s nothing they’re worried about at this point, and I just have to go back for tests every six months.  Hallelujah!  Of COURSE there’s more medication for the symptoms…why not, I threw out the Topomax, must be time for another new bottle in the locked cupboard, huh?  I asked my doctor why I was constantly having to go through expensive tests only to find out it’s not a big enough deal to even justify the costs, and he got a little cranky with me.  I’m beginning to think as long as it’s a big, expensive test involving sending me off to a hospital, especially if radiation is involved somehow, I should just NOT worry about it…the tests will come back okay.   I have to say thank God for small towns now, if I’d have been tested somewhere else, who knows how long it would have taken to get the tests back and I’d have lost another 10 lbs instead of just 4. 

On the downer side, the business hasn’t had a call since the 18th.  Diesel prices are out of control, trucks aren’t sending out as much as they did, and they’re taking the breakdowns to shops if possible now rather than call out a mechanic.  So, Mike and I are both out looking for jobs now.  Wonder what a brain damaged crazy chick is suitable to do?  *sigh*

Trying not to jinx it Monday March 17, 2008

Posted by gingerbreadman in Blessings.
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I’m so well, it’s almost frightening. 

I took my time, recovered slowly, assigned chores and simply blew the ‘small stuff’ off and let myself heal.  Then I decided I was going to be WELL, not just not sick anymore, but *WELL*, dangit.

I’ve started making myself eat regularly, whether I’m hungry or not.  I’ve started going out every day, whether I need to or not:  to play, to run errands, to simply be in fresh air and out of the house and especially out of that bed. 

Most importantly, I’ve psyched myself into feeling better.  Even when I feel like crap, I make myself get up, get moving and get out.  And when I get tired:  I quit.

I don’t know when I’ve felt so good.  Things with the kids are great, things with Mike are great, I’m not even glaring at Russell as much lately.

Plus, our business is rocking.  *GRIN*

We’ve just installed new beds in the girl’s rooms, rearranging where they sleep and setting up the second computer system in Katie and Libby’s room.  THAT was some work.  It’s kinda disgusting how much *STUFF* girls accumulate and consider indispensible.  Trying to explain to Mike that the stuff was all important and needed was not pretty…he thinks a girl’s room should have a bed, dresser and maybe a desk.  I threatened to find some feminine hygiene products at him and that finally drove him out of the way at least.

Jessica has gotten herself engaged to Landon.  I’m trying to be open-minded and accepting, I really am.  It’s hard, forgiving him for everything he’s put her through off and on the past two years, but she’s determined he’s changed and ready, he’s spent a lot of time trying to convince me of his newfound maturity and appreciation for my daughter, and I never thought he was not intelligent…maybe he finally DID smarten up and figure out he’d never find anyone as wonderful as Jess.

He’d better have.  Third time is the Death Sentence.

Okay…I’m going to bounce around and try to catch up on everyone before I have to concentrate on dinner…or at least say "HI!"

Love!

“Clean as a whistle” Wednesday February 20, 2008

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What the heck does that mean?  Whose whistle?  They ever met a kid with a whistle?  Those things are NASTY.

So the scopes are over, and everything is good.  No polyps, inflammations, bad looking things or anything.  The esophageal ulcer is even gone.  Yippee skippee.

I’m tired, wrung out and still a little wonky.  I’m going to bed now.  Thanks for your thoughts, friends.   Talk to you when I come off the sedatives.

Love and blessings.  See how that works?

Back to the drawing board! Thursday November 29, 2007

Posted by gingerbreadman in Blessings.
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Normal.  My gall bladder ejection rate is normal.  Wow…first time a test has come up "normal" for me in many years!  Of course, that means they still don’t know what the heck is causing all the gastro-intestinal problems I have, but it does mean no surgery, too.  So, a blessing. 
 
I didn’t realize how much I was hoping it was my gb until I got the results back and I was really disappointed.  I hate hospitals, surgical rooms, I am a bad patient and recovery is always a PITA since I’m too stubborn to be quiet and rest as I’m instructed to do so I end up taking much longer to heal than I should.  Add Laura "My Mommy’s body is my personal playground" to the mix, and having my gb removed would have been a tremendous hassle.  So it really is a good thing that I didn’t have to go under the knife.
 
I think what I hate most is the uncertainty, the questions.  Not knowing why this continues to happen to me.  My Sis says I continue to plague the doctors as the Enigma Patient:  they’ve never been able to pinpoint why the migraines or to find a treatment that keeps them at bay, it took them 3 months to figure out I have GERD, and now I still have symptoms with no explanation.  I’m beginning to think my body is simply used to being sick, my stomach now has a weakness from all those months of urping and is just super-sensitive.  And if you can’t keep anything down but fluids and maybe one meal a day…guess what?  What goes in, comes out.
 
Gina asked me today how I got "used to it" after I told her I’m simply adjusted to it by now.  It’s simple:  what else can I do?  It’s either deal or sit in a corner crying about it constantly, staying in bed whining about how bad I feel, and nothing gets done that way.  I did that a couple months ago, and ended up in a Crisis Care Unit.  Not a good plan.
 
Then I think of people who have situations so much worse than mine to deal with daily.  Children in hospitals all over the world fighting cancers, going through treatments giving them worse symptoms than mine and facing deadly consequences if their little bodies can’t win the fight.  Soldiers wounded, with TBI, lost limbs who have a lot more to "get used to" than I do who are bravely facing their issues.  Every day people with HIV/AIDS, cancer, disabilities, debilitating illnesses, and I have to ask myself who the hell am I to whine over hurling a couple times a day and some icky trips to the john?
 
So, I’ve realized again how very much I have to be grateful for, how very little I appreciate the good health I do have, considering how it could be, and that what will be, will be for the rest of it.  I’ve lost friends to AIDS, and Marc last year to cancer complications.  This country has lost so many good, brave men and women to battles abroad.  I have six remarkably healthy children.  My sweet doofus Sistah sassy has a constant prayer and worry in her heart for her oldest son.  I’m done getting worked up over my intestinal issues.  Time to light some candles, concentrate on others, get that joy overflowing and spread the cheer.
 
So who has their tree up already?!

The Past Five Days Monday November 26, 2007

Posted by gingerbreadman in Blessings.
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I’m going with the Comic Sans MS Font Style for this one, because I’m trying to keep my spirits up.  There are many things I’m thankful for, that I’ve been blessed with, and I experienced most or all of them over this past weekend.
 
I’m blessed with good doctors.  The gastro guy I saw Wednesday afternoon decided I’ve probably got a non-functioning gallbladder due to the symptoms I’m still having even on the Prevacid and the radical change in diet I’ve made.  Still with the sick in the morning, still with the runs (five months, non-stop now), still sometimes surprise upchucking out of nowhere for a day or two straight on and then back to normal, and I’m rarely hungry.  The only thing that doesn’t make me a classic gall bladder surgery candidate is the lack of severe pain.  So, tomorrow I get to go have a Hida Scan with CCK for a few hours.  Then I’ll find out if I have my gall bladder out, again.  Ah well, I had a few minutes of crying after I got out of the doc’s office, I hate surgery, I know it’ll be a nightmare adjusting to another diet plan without a gall bladder if it has to come out, keeping La off me while I heal will be pure hell…BUT  I’m thankful, too.  I’d be so grateful to have this gastro-mess over with finally, only one pill a day to take to keep me able to keep food down.  It’d be wonderful to have answers to the WHY am I still sick?! question. 
 
Thursday was wonderful, of course.  We spent it at Mom and Dad’s, my brothers were there with their wives and my nephews.  Big dinner, everything looked, smelled, tasted wonderfully.  Becca even made her first pumpkin pie.  Jess was able to come eat with us, that’s a big change, she usually has to work the noon shift but didn’t have to go in til 3, so we ate early and had the entire family.  Laura even ate some turkey, and let me tell you, that is one big deal for the kid who lives on strawberry Pop*Tarts, wheat bread crusts and chocolate milk!  Her one weak spot is fish though, so we called the meat turkeyfish, she tried it and loved it.  Yee-haw!!!  We had our long, lingering, lazy lunch feast at Mom’s, visited, played and laughed ourselves to exhaustion and travelled home where I just made a simple baked ham dinner and we lazed around all night watching The Incredibles and talking about where to put the Christmas tree.
 
Oh yeah…the one blight on my day, besides losing my wonderful lunch (of course I did).  When we moved in June, Mike and the boys were in charge of the basement, actually, they commandeered it-telling the womenfolk they knew what needed to be moved, what needed to go to the dump, etc and we could just stay out of the way while they did all that heavy lifting.  I should have known better.  We had managed over the years to collect 3 Christmas trees; one Jess had given us the first year we didn’t go with a live tree because Becca’s allergies were so bad, one Mike had bought because Jess’ tree was a bit small for what we wanted, and our PRIZE tree, the one we’d inherited from Mom when she decided to downsize from her huge tree to a smaller.  Now, Mom had her tree for years, and it is gorgeous.  We were thrilled to get it, because the equivalent retails now for a couple hundred bucks, and it isn’t even pre-lit.
 
Guess what those damn males did.  Just guess.  Yep.  In their hurry to get packed up and moved over to the new place, they grabbed ALL the trees and took them to the dump.  While the girls and I, who know the difference in an heirloom tree and one from K^Mart  were upstairs packing away clothes, wrapping up dishes and dragging tables and chairs to the wagon to be carried to the New House, Mike was throwing away all our trees.  My Mother’s Tree.  Oh, and all the lights, too.  They were neatly packed in with the tree in the box.  Katie and I figured it out when she decided to go looking for the tree Thursday morning because these children have it in their heads we should put the tree up on Black Friday.  As Amy Winehouse sings, "No, no, no."
 
I can’t decide whether I’m eager for Mom to find out Mike threw away her tree so he’ll finally get the punishment he so richly deserves, or don’t want her to ever find out because it’ll upset her so much.  I’m enjoying how worried he is what she’s going to do when she comes over in mid-December for Laura’s birthday.
 
So, on Black Friday I had to add a new Christmas Tree and lights to my long list of Things To Get.  Oh goody.  Because buying for six daughters, a man, parents, brothers, sis in laws,nephews and assorted others isn’t enough, is it?  It WAS fun getting out shopping with just Becca and Bratzilla, even with we did go all over creation and too much money was spent.  Poor Becca was so tired.  Bless her heart.
 
Saturday we had Emmy’s boyfriend Jeremy over most of the day.  We played Phase 10, Emmy whipped him good on T, Hawk and his Skateboarding game and they made out in my kitchen when we finally let them have fifteen minutes alone.  He ate my chili and only whimpered once.  It was a fun Saturday.
 
Sunday, eh…more Walhell, but grocery shopping this time.  Whimper.  Do you want to know how hard it is to get any Christmas shopping done when there is at least one kid with you everywhere you go?
 
Today, I wait for tomorrow.  I’m thinking of how nice it will be if the test result is bad, and it is my gall bladder and the problem is solved.  I’m thinking of how nice it will be if it isn’t my gall bladder and I can at least not have to go through another surgery and recovery, learning to eat everything boiled.  Ick.  Either way, I’m determined I’m going to find the blessing in this, dangit.  Tis the season, after all, right?

Blessed and Thankful Thursday November 22, 2007

Posted by gingerbreadman in Blessings.
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It’s been a hectic week with the girl’s home for the holiday and lots of doctor’s appointments, but I can’t let this, my favorite holiday, go by without saying…
 
I am blessed, so very blessed.  I am grateful for all the gifts I am daily given.
I can only hope that each of you, my friends, are as grateful for all your blessings, as I am for each and every one of mine.  Thank you all for every gift you give me.
Happy Thanksgiving.