I’m A… Wednesday February 22, 2006Posted by gingerbreadman in Entertainment.
You are a Sylph. These happy creatures have existed
from the first time the wind blew, and are
Egyptian and Greek in origin. They live high
atop mountains, drifting all over the world
to grant wishes and encourage people to be
kind to one another.
Twas The Night Before… Friday December 23, 2005Posted by gingerbreadman in Entertainment.
"Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... How to live in a world that's politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to "Elves" -- "Vertically challenged" they were calling themselves. And labor conditions at the north pole Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul. Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, Released to the wilds by the Humane Society. And equal employment had made it quite clear That Santa had better not use just reindeer. So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid, Were replaced by 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid! The runners had been removed from his sleigh; The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A. And people had started to call the cops When they heard sled noises on their rooftops. Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened, His fur trimmed red suit was called "unenlightened." And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows, Rudolph was suing over unauthorized use of his nose And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation, Demanding millions in overdue compensation. So, half the reindeer were gone; and his wife, Who suddenly said she'd had enough of this life, Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz, Demanding from now on her title was "Ms." And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion That making a choice could cause so much commotion. Nothing of leather, nothing of fur, Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her. Nothing that might be construed to pollute, Nothing to aim, nothing to shoot. Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise, Nothing for just girls, nor just for the boys. Nothing that claimed to be gender specific, Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific. No candy or sweets (they were bad for the teeth) Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth. And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden, Were like Ken and Barbie - better off hidden. For they raised the hackles of those psychological Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological. No baseball, no football - someone could get hurt! Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt. Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe; And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away. So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed; He just could not figure out what to do next. He tried to be merry, tried to be gay, But you've got to be careful with that word today. His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground; Nothing fully acceptable was to be found. Something special was needed, a gift that he might Give to all without angering the left or the right. A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision, Each group of people, every religion; Every ethnicity, every hue, Everyone, everywhere - even you. So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth... "May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."
not a critic was stirring, for stirring was banned.
A thousand brown prisoners, snug in their cells,
all held without charges or tinsel or bells;
And mamma was wrapped in the national flag,
while we sang "Where there’s never a boast or a brag."
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the TV I flew like a flash;
I then watched "Survivor" and reruns of "Mash."
The fireworks, exploding above the new snow,
gave a luster of objects to people below.
When what saw my wondering eyes in the flashes:
a miniature George Bush and eight tiny fascists!
Their jerseys were blue and said "WORLD DOMINATION";
I knew right away this was not just claymation.
More rapid than eagles the warlords they came,
as the little Bush whistled and called them by name:
"Now, Daschle! now, Ashcroft! Now Strom, don’t relent!
On, Poindexter, Rumsfeld! on Henry and Trent!
To the top of the globe, while the crowd’s at the mall,
now bomb away, bomb away, bomb away all!"
His sack had a war game for each girl and boy;
his pocket, four billion from just Illinois.
Far up on his high seat the driver did mount,
with more massive weapons than Kofi could count.
And then, I heard sounds from away off somewhere,
the booming of bombs that were bursting in air.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
down the chimney old Dick Cheney came with a bound.
He said not a word, nor disclosed his location;
he wiretapped my house in the name of the nation.
Then holding the strings of his little Bush puppet,
he went to the chimney and quickly rose up it.
The sleigh was still running, but Dick didn’t hurry;
gas guzzlers, it seemed, were no longer a worry.
He popped the champagne and exclaimed as he served it,
"The world is now ours, and GOD ___, we deserve it!"
And all through the house,
Things were real mellow…
Even Irving, the Mouse.
Our boots were hung up,
The incense was lit,
In hope that St. Nick
Would soon do his bit.
The tree was decked out;
It was really a sight,
With love beads and flowers
And a flashing strobe light.
Wearing my T-shirt
From Woodstock Nation,
I was getting into some good meditation.
And my chick was doing some yoga in bed,
munching a fruit cake,
While propped on her head.
Then…pow!!…in the night…
It shook the waterbed
And woke up old Blue.
I stumbled around
And tripped on my beard.
It stuck to my toes
And felt really wierd.
When I got to the window,
I was really uptight,
’cause the scene I perceived
Was a mind blowing sight!
What through my shades
Did I see through the snow,
But eight tiny mooses
And a wild U.F.O.!
With this hip dude inside,
Looking kinky and groovy…
I flashed…"If this ain’t Nick
It must be the late movie."
They blew in from the cosmos
Like some far-out caboose
And this fat cat kept yelling
At each midget moose:
"Right on, Dasher! On, Dancer!
GET IT ON…DO YOUR THING.
Get your bods in high gear, now,
And move this machine!"
Then onto the roof
They flew with a shout,
The whole Cosmic Crew
Really freaked me out!
They caused such a hassle
And made such a fuss,
I thought someone would call
The fuzz down on us.
But before I could say, "COOL IT!…
HOLD DOWN THAT LOUD JIVE,"
Nick zapped toward the chimney
And leaped in with a dive!
As he trucked from the fireplace,
His smile all agleam,
I thought, "ITS UNREAL!
It must be a dream!"
Then he nodded and said,
"This isn’t a bummer…
Like, I’ve come in peace,
To groove my Yule Number."
His duds were all fur,
Trimmed in leather and such
And he came on stone funky…
…he was really too much.
His back pack was painted
With black light festoon,
Full of albums and posters
And a neon balloon.
His eyes, a light show!
His beard, da-glo bright!
A plastic, fantastic,
He looked like a guru,
This beautiful cat…
…I thought, like, wow!
…This dude knows where its at!
"Don’t want to sound heavy,"
He said with a grin,
"My message is simple
So dig it, tune in."
"I brought you some goodies,
But that’s not the thing.
My real trip is bringing
Good vibes to this scene."
So we rapped until dawn
About Peace, Love and Truth,
Then he said, "Gotta split, now,
Or I’ll be late in Duluth."
He wiggled his nose and said,
"I did my bit"
And straight up the smoke hole
This fat cat did split!
As he sped from the roof
And into the air,
He shouted, "Let’s get it together,
All you people down there!"
"Merry Christmas To All
And to all a Good Night!"
And then in a flash,
He streaked outta sight!
Just ONE more…
"Twas the Night before Christmas" has lots of nice rhymes
But I fear that the tale doesnt fit modern times.
What is a kerchief? My dad wears no cap.
He snores the whole night, no way its a nap.
They tell me that Santa is coming tonight.
Hell be flying in here on a sleigh. Yeah, RIGHT!
When I was much younger I believed all that stuff,
Now that Im older I know its a bluff.
As this Christmas eve is going so slow
I sneak down the stairs to watch HBO.
Nothing is stirring, its quiet down here.
Security’s on so there’s nothing to fear.
All of a sudden I hear the floor squeak
Someone is coming, sneakety, sneak.
And then as my heart leaps up to my throat
I see a fat man in a funny red coat.
He stands by the table and looks through the house
And takes from his pocket a tiny gray mouse.
He says, "Ho, Ho Ho, I truly believe,
There must be a mouse in each Christmas eve."
His belt buckle shakes as he laughs, look at that.
My gosh this jolly old guy sure is fat.
He looks up. He sees me and gives a big smile.
Says, "I came to see you. Lets talk for a while.
"Youre one grown up child that doesnt believe
That Santa Claus comes on each Christmas eve.
Youre a big girl. Your minds filled with doubt.
Its simple, without me the joy is left out.
"I remember the time you sat on my knee
A smile on your face, eyes sparkling with glee.
Dont you remember the thrill you felt then?
With a little belief you can feel it again.
"Santa Claus comes for each child at the start.
The rest of their lives I live in their heart.
If you are a youngster or wrinkled old guy
You still can hear sleigh bells ring cross the sky."
He turns as he says, "Will you please come out here?"
And there on the driveway stand eight cool reindeer.
They all nod to me and then snort in chorus,
"Whos this pretty girl now standing before us?"
I wave as I tell them, "Im Anna May."
As the big burley guy crawls into his sleigh.
He says, "Its my new team, a real with-it crew.
Ill let Captain Cosmos give their names to you."
"Heres E-mail and Hat Rack, Cool Dude and Charley,
Im Cosmos, theres Awesome, Brucie and Narley.
Head Cat is Santa, the North Poles his home,
We see him all year cause we hang out in Nome."
Then they take off and fly to the roof
Tap a short rap and give a "high hoof."
All turn and shout, "Tonight reindeers rule.
The eight of us wish you a crazy cool Yule."
Then Santa shouts, "Its true some things change.
But believe in the basics." As he speeds out of range.
Then I hear repeated, as my willing ears strain,
The words I now love, my favorite refrain.
"Twas the Night before Christmas" has some things outdated
But The Story, dear folks, is not overrated.
Throw open the window, and rejoice in the sight!
"Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night."
Find them all at http://www.beforexmas.com
The Life Path…Whoa Friday December 23, 2005Posted by gingerbreadman in Entertainment.
- The number 3 Life Path is one that emphasizes expression, sociability, and creativity as the lesson to be learned in this life. Here we are apt to find the entertainers of the world, bright, effervescent, sparkling people with very optimistic attitudes. A truly gifted 3 possesses the most exceptional creative skills, normally in the verbal realm, writing, speaking, acting, or similar endeavors. The lesson to be learned with a 3 life path is that of achievement through expression. The bright side of this path stresses harmony, beauty and pleasures; of sharing your creative talents with the world. Capturing your capability in creative self-expression is the highest level of attainment for this life path. The characteristics of the 3 are warmth and friendliness, a good conversationalist, social and open. A good conversationalist both from the standpoint of being a delight to listen to, but even more importantly, one who has the ability to listen to others. Accordingly, the life path 3 produces individuals who are always a welcome addition to any social situation and know how to make others feel at home. The creative imagination is present, if sometimes latent, as the 3 may not be moved to develop his talent. The approach to life tends to be exceedingly positive, however, and your disposition is almost surely sunny and open-hearted. You effectively cope with all of the many setbacks that occur in life and readily bounce back for more. It is usually easy for you to deal with problems because you can freely admit the existence of problems without letting them get you down. You have good manners and seem to be very conscious of other people’s feelings and emotions. Life is generally lived to the fullest, often without much worry about tomorrow. You are not very good at handling money because of a general lack of concern about it. You spend it when you have it and don’t when you don’t.
On the negative side, a 3 may be so delighted with the joy of living that the life becomes frivolous and superficial. You may scatter your abilities and express little sense of purpose. The 3 can be an enigma, for no apparent reason you may become moody and tend to retreat. Escapist tendencies are not uncommon with the 3 life path, and you find it very hard to settle into one place or one position. Guard against being critical of others, impatient, intolerant, or overly optimistic.
Typically, the life path 3 gives an above-average ability in some art form. This can encompass painting, interior decorating, landscaping, crafts, writing, music, or the stage, or all of the above. You are apt to be a happy, inspired person, constantly seeking the stimuli of similar people. Your exuberant nature can take you far, especially if you are ever able to focus your energies and talents.
It’s Driving Me Nuts! Monday December 19, 2005Posted by gingerbreadman in Entertainment.
New book suggestions? Wednesday November 16, 2005Posted by gingerbreadman in Entertainment.
Quizzical quirkiness Wednesday November 16, 2005Posted by gingerbreadman in Entertainment.
|Your Kissing Purity Score: 9% Pure|
For you, it’s all kiss and no talk.
You’re in a permanent lip lock.
|Your Hidden Talent|
|You have the natural talent of rocking the boat, thwarting the system.
And while this may not seem big, it can be.
It’s people like you who serve as the catalysts to major cultural changes.
You’re just a bit behind the scenes, so no one really notices.
|In a Past Life…|
You Were: A Banished Undertaker.
Where You Lived: North Canada.
How You Died: Killed in Battle.
This is weird, I lost the other one when I editted this blog, and they changed it on me! Hmph.
|Your Birthdate: October 8|
Watch out Donald Trump! You’ve got a head for business and money.
You’ll make it rich some day, even if you haven’t figured out how yet.
A supreme individualist, you shouldn’t get stuck in a corporate job.
Instead, make your own way – so that you can be the boss.
Your strength: Your undying determination
Your weakness: You require an opulent lifestyle
Your power color: Plum
Your power symbol: Dollar sign
Your power month: August
Hilarious…me and the concept of an opulent lifestyle…yeah, right.
Nice…again with the ‘yeah, right.’
|You Are 60% Weird|
You’re so weird, you think you’re *totally* normal. Right?
But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!
Wow, this is SOOOO me!
|The Keys to Your Heart|
You are attracted to good manners and elegance.
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.
You’d like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future… one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You’ll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
I LOVE IT! So so so true. I LOVE IT!
|The Movie Of Your Life Is A Black Comedy|
In your life, things are so twisted that you just have to laugh.
You may end up insane, but you’ll have fun on the way to the asylum.
Your best movie matches: Being John Malkovich, The Royal Tenenbaums, American Psycho
Se7en Things Friday November 4, 2005Posted by gingerbreadman in Entertainment.
Coloring Books totally rock! Thursday November 3, 2005Posted by gingerbreadman in Entertainment.